Yesterday we lost one of the greatest people in my life, my grandmother Liz-Anne Bawden. She was so strong and loving and wise, words can’t express the feeling of complete loss and desolation that losing her has brought on for me.
She played such a huge part in both my own and my sister’s upbringings and it’s awful to think I won’t hear her voice again. Not only was she a huge part in our family she was a well respected member of our community in Lyme Regis and she was so involved in so many projects that have shaped Lyme to be the way it is today. I could list them, but most of them happened before I was born and I don’t want to make any mistakes or underplay her achievements.
I’m glad that she passed away peacefully and with dignity surrounded by her favourite members of the care home staff it just upsets me and I feel so guilty that I hadn’t been to visit her for a while before she left us, if I could go back I would go and do one last crossword with her.I think she wanted to go with a minimum of fuss, comfortably and in a dignified manner. She had all those things and I look forward to joining her somewhere better one day.
I had a secret desire to produce a baby before she left so that she could meet her first great-grandchild (I also wanted to be the first to have one of her great-grandchildren, I don’t want Tess to get there first), but I knew it wasn’t to be! I’m sure, although she would have been glad to meet her great-grandson or daughter, she might not have thought too much of my choice of life path. She always said “If you don’t go to Oxford University, I shall turn in my grave!” and I always intended to go exactly there. I hope she was and will be proud of me, she always made me feel like such a star and she supported me with school work as much as she could, especially when I was younger, and I don’t think I let her know how much I appreciated this.
If you find yourself reading this Granny, when I was little I asked what happens when people die. You told me that you go somewhere else, and I asked you to send me a letter when you got there (although I always thought you were pretty much invincible and that there wouldn’t be anything that could best you anyway). Don’t worry too much about it, I’m sure that you’re happy where you are and that’s enough for me. I’ll miss you, say hello to everyone for me and I’ll see you all again one day. You could not have been a more perfect Grandmother, teacher or friend to me or Tessa. I love you so much, and thank you for everything.